33- The Losers [2.0]

After being betrayed and left for dead, members of a CIA black ops team root out those who targeted them for assassination.

Want to be a Loser? First, you have to refer to members of your team by nickname or badass last name (Roque, Clay, Pooch, and Cougar will suffice). Then, you’ll show that you’ve had a long history with your teammates by talking back and forth really, really fast, occasionally finishing each others sentences. Also, you’re going to want to be fairly annoying.

Want to be the writer for “The Losers”? Go ahead and throw in a team betrayal or two, have members in-fight and skip logic as often as possible. For example, if there are kill orders out against your character by various countries and terrorist factions, by all means have them meet someone out in broad daylight. If you’re the director, throw in slow motion shots of cockfights to establish a tongue-in-cheek tone but then go for every action cliche you can think of.

I take no issue with a film that doesn’t take itself seriously, but The Losers can’t decide what it wants to be (although if I owned the rights to The A-Team, I’d consider a lawsuit). Chris Evans shows a lot of charisma, but the rest of the team doesn’t fare so well. Idris Elba is better than this material, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan looks fairly bored throughout the film.

And then there’s Jason Patric.

In perhaps one of the worst action villains to ever grave the screen, Jason Patric is a complete bore as Max. Every time he appears on screen, the film screeches to a halt. Though the plot revolves around actions caused by his character, each Max scene feels as if it’s from a completely different movie. Perhaps Patric thought it’d be an interesting approach to play Max as the most humorless, uninteresting villain he could possibly be. If so, he succeeded.

Sylvian White may know how to shoot action, but he still hasn’t proven himself as a film director. For someone who has worked under Michel Gondry and Spike Jonze, that’s quite a shame.

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